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Post by Laurasia on May 20, 2007 13:59:10 GMT -5
~hugs you both~ Well now, please everybody take a step back & don't do anything drastic. Boogieman, sweety, this is going to come out harsh across the computer screen...but if you are not seeing a therapist already, you need to start doing so ASAP. It is quite clear that you are a classically co-dependant person. And no, that does not make you a bad or worthless person - you simply have issues that you need to work through. (Don't we all, right? ) It is also clear that DFM does love you, there are simply limits to how much the human heart can take. She is right in saying that it is unfair of you to put such pressure & responsibilty on her shoulders. This is exactly what co-dependants do though, & is precisely why you need to speak with a therapist about it. As much as people love you, if you continually put such pressures upon them they will be forced to walk away for their own well being. It does not have to be this way though, as you seem to think. It's not that people would be better off with off without you in there lives, it's that people would be better off without your being so demanding & needing upon them. And you don't have to be, sweety. You are a good, loving, & strong person - you simply need help with learning how to recognize & believe those things within yourself. There is no shame in seeking help when one needs it. If you are truly this depressed as to speak so callously about your right & will to live, than you need help, love. There are places to turn, numbers to call. Check your local yellow pages or similar phone book & look up things such as "mental health services", "crisis hotlines", "depression", etc. I'm sure that you should be able to find at least a toll-free number to call & speak with someone. (I have used them myself, hon.) And if you absolutely cannot find any resources to use please let me know & I will get you some numbers & such. You will just have to tell me where you are in this wide world.
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Post by Shadow on Jun 12, 2007 0:05:19 GMT -5
Warning ahead of time... Laurasia I'm glad you've got a filter on this thing and I'm sorry ahead of time cuz I know they're gonna come out right now.
So I'm the two faced one now??? oh my freaking god... you think you were the only one there for me? Ok, no big deal.. but don't you EVER even THINK about using what I am against me like that. EVER!!!!!! I trusted you with something because I knew you were too. Daggit I'm to the point of tears right now. How could you even think the things you did? But you know... it's like I told you... I do still want to talk to you then don't at the same time. I think about all the good times we had then think about all the things that happened... i'm going to be that way until i do get over it. you've got somebody there for/with you.... like i said i still think about it, a lot, and when i do i think da**... i was the faithful one, got messed over, but she's the one with somebody to cuddle with every night... you've got everything. you've got time to spend with your family, you've got friends, you've got almost everything you want BUT a kid. you've got it all and i'm still stuck in the f***in past trying to figure out where the heck I went wrong!!! And I'm not playing mind games with you... since you "know everything about me" then you should remember... YOU DATED ONE MESSED UP B***H!!!! (for those of you who don't know, yes I am bipolar and lately it's been getting the best of me, if you can't tell by reading this) Yet you say that I'm the one with everything. I've got what you want. Tell your lies to someone else... cause right now, I don't have any sympathy for you.
Lupo Solitario
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Post by Laurasia on Jun 19, 2007 13:38:13 GMT -5
~hugs~ It's okay, sweety. With everything that she put you through....even if you weren't bipolar, you would be now. Just remember to breathe hun. Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by Shadow on Jun 20, 2007 23:54:47 GMT -5
No, it's not ok. It really isn't. I try so ******* hard to get everything straight and back to how it should be.... well atleast stable... it turns to bite me in the a**! It's not ok when someone who barely knows who I am outside of work is constantly keeping check on me. It's not ok when my GM pulls me into his office... It's not ok, I don't know what's going on right now and it is really bothering me. I know I'm still young and there will be bumps in the road... but I've been stuck on this bump since February. I took a step for the better and everything backfired. I lost everything I'd built up. Everything I'd fought so d*** hard for.
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Post by Laurasia on Jun 21, 2007 8:43:12 GMT -5
~hugs tightly~ Oh sweety, I certainly wasn't trying to make light of what you are going through. If that was how it seemed, I apologize for that. Honey the stuff with Brit is going to hurt & it's not uncommon for it to take a long time to get over such betrayal. (In fact, some people never do.) As for all of the trouble that you are having at work....Have you given any thought to finding something else. If you are being treated in a way that makes you feel as though you are constantly on probation for no reason it may be best for you to find something else.
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Post by Shadow on Jun 21, 2007 15:31:42 GMT -5
It didn't, don't worry. Jasang pulled me into his office because I'm "not acting like myself" and he was worrying about me. (shock) Granted I get my work done but if I don't have anything to do I'm sitting off at the bar table in the corner. That's what happens when all you let people see is the fake side of you and you fall too deep.
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Post by Laurasia on Jul 19, 2007 21:00:17 GMT -5
Hi guys. No, Brandybuck & I didn't forget about the site. LOL! Work has simply been INSANE! We've been working f***ing doubles for forever it seems, nothing has gone according to plan, everybody's nerves are shot, & we are exhausted. As it is, I am only able to get online for a very short time about once a week right now - which leaves me very little time to spend at any of my various sites. And, as you all know, Brandybuck already gets online a lot less often than myself. So, I just wanted you all to know that we haven't abandoned you. I also wanted to vent a bit as well. Sincerely, Laurasia
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Post by Brandybuck on Aug 2, 2007 15:22:29 GMT -5
My diary took the brunt of my venting..*waves to everyone*
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Post by Shadow on Sept 9, 2007 23:01:58 GMT -5
Ok, how can I tell somebody off without being a complete jerk?
Why can't you see she doesn't want you anymore? You had your chance and you blew it. Cheaters get caught and pay for it. It doesn't matter how many poems/blogs/whatever you post on myspace, she's not going back to you! I'll be friends with you and what not, but you better back off. You wanna try to fight me at a football game? Around all your friends.... and I'm basically on my own? Oh you're so tough aren't you? But we all see how fast you step down when I step up. You can try your fake charm to cover what you did all you want.... but you know she was in my arms the second you let her go from that hug. She went to where she knew she wouldn't get hurt.
I'm sorry, it really bothered me and I needed to let it out somewhere. I just can't make her see.... any advice?
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Post by Laurasia on Sept 10, 2007 12:47:18 GMT -5
I'll take it that were talking about Lacy right? If that's the case, I'm afraid that it is up to Amy to set her straight regarding the boundaries of their relationship now. She needs to be the one to make it perfectly clear to her ex that she is completely uninterested in getting back together with her & that she is with you now. From what I know she is still interested in remaining friends with Lacy &, with that being the case, you getting into a physical altercation with Lacy could backfire for you badly. I know that you are irritated with her trying to woo back Amy & all, but it is up to Amy to set her straight. Have you told Amy about exactly how Lacy's actions make you feel? She may not realize just how much it bothers you. Ask her to talk to Lacy about it for your sake & for your relationships sake. And, if you have no problem with them remaining plutonic friends, make sure that she knows that. She may take your feeling so threatened as being possessive if you don't.
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Post by Shadow on Sept 10, 2007 23:08:10 GMT -5
I don't think it would bother me as much if she didn't constantly call and text her. I mean, Amy knows how I feel about it, they just share a lot of friends and she's trying to save arguments and so on. Believe me, I've already been told I was a ***** because we left Ham's that night. Laci acts all cool around me but I know for a fact as soon as I turn my back she's at Amy hard trying to get her back. I've even broke down into tears and told Amy I was so scared to give my heart out again because I didn't think I could pull myself up again if anything happened. So she knows how I feel about it. I gave her this link to read what she said so hopefully things will work out. Thanks Laurasia
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Rowan
Full Member
Posts: 158
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Post by Rowan on Sept 17, 2007 18:23:57 GMT -5
Once again hon , because im not so up to date on the situation i'll just add hugs here.
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Post by Shadow on Sept 17, 2007 23:07:40 GMT -5
Aww, Sueann... I loves ya bunches. I think I've made myself very clear on this one, so it should be straight now.
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Post by sui0juris on Sept 19, 2007 15:16:48 GMT -5
This is the rant thread, right? Ok. Let's start with you have a number of so called friends that you keep in contact with, and because of them you're able to keep a clear mind and live a worthwhile existence. Then something happens and you lose contact with them. After this you change. You stop caring, not just about others, but yourself as well. But after a while you are able to get in contact with your "friends". That is when you find out that they were never friends to begin with. They spent time and talked to you not because they cared, but because they admired you. You were like a piece to talk about and to have people feel glorified that they knew you. Now that your different, and not as positive they want you out of their life. You meant nothing to them. Then you also find out that while you were in the hospital the only member in your family who had a phone, and the number to your hospital room wouldn't even let your own mother call you because he falsely accused her of stealing money orders even though he knew his wife was a drug addict and already took them in the past. So for two weeks you only have contact with one person, and that person is over the phone two states away. You sit and wonder why you became so dark in the past. But after trying to be nice, kind, caring, forgiving, and loving, the answer Finlay comes to you. There is nothing to be gained from caring, or letting people become your friends. Because in this pathetic world most are just using you for their own support, or they are simply helping you because it makes them feel as if their life really means something and is worth while. Humans are simply selfish, self caring, useless vermin, that serve no purpose anywhere then their own self gratification. Well, does that qualify as a rant?
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Post by Shadow on Oct 13, 2007 1:59:01 GMT -5
Why can't I make her see I'm out of all the crap now? Yes I carried my flag with me today but that had reason behind it. It's been 5 years today since I'd lost someone very dear to me. He was the love of my life so of course I'm going to miss him. But she got so mad and even told me I was lying to her about "being out" and that would be one thing that would break us up. .... ouch.... I dont even want to tell her but she had me in tears. I know she hates but I wish she could have let it be for today... atleast today. Yes I had my flag, but I wasn't wearing it, just let it hang where it usually would be. Not really a rant, just getting it out because it hurts.
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