Confessions about great books

[twilight]

This might be a bit of an odd topic, but I have wanted to talk about it for a long time, but people don't usually understand and they laugh or dismiss it.
What I want to talk about is how books affect us. Now, obviously since we are at a site called Middle-Earth Pagans, I know of at least one trilogy which has had a sizeable effect on some people! But either in a general sense, or specifically, what kind of impact do books, stories, or poems have on you?

For me, I have to admit that books make me feel joy and love and hate and sorrow that I don't feel in life. I don't know why, but I don't usually feel emotion, and I have come into the habit of not showing it (not the same as "bottling it up" though.) Like I said, I don't know why this is. Maybe because I went through a period of a few years where I hated everyone: my parents, people who were supposed to be my friends, my enemies, the world. And it had no use, so I stopped. But now I don't love either, and because of that I can only feel sadness and happiness to a vey low extent. It's not bad, and is probably better than grieving all the time, but sometimes it makes me feel "dead."
But, for some reason when I read I can have all these, and deeply, too. I wasn't even sad when my grandfather died, even though I loved him, and knew him, but I cried at the end of the sixth Harry Potter book. (I'm not telling what happens in case you all haven't read it!) I felt like my heart was shredding and my mind was numb with horror as if it had happened in my own life. In Lord of the Rings, I grieved when Frodo left the others at the Grey Havens, and even more so when I read the Appendices about Merry and Pippin dying.
A year ago I was on a train that almost crashed head-on into an oncoming freight train. I wasn't afraid, even though I thought I might die. But I feel fear when I read about the horrors of prisons of Melkor and Sauron, and the chase of the Nazgul.

It's not just Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter either, it happens with a lot of books that are great. I've said before that the mark of a great book is that it makes you feel like it were your own life. For me this is the greatest power of great books, because I have so little emotion in my life. (I don't mean that in a self- pitying way, it's just how it is; I like my life in fact)

It is almost ironic in a way, that what turned me away from the path of hate that I was on was the feeling of sadness and hope and bravery and hope that I got from Lord of the Rings. I had never been so affected by anything before. But, it was also when I turned from this path that I stopped feeling. Ironic.
This is something that is very personal to me, and that I have never shared with anyone before, but I trust you guys!

So what have been your experiences? How have books affected or changed you? Or do they at all?

~Aelish~

[Brandybuck]

Aelish,

We are alike, and also not alike when it comes to this. First of all, I am a very emotional person, and I feel things very easily. Whether it is talk shows, movies, reality, etc...if something happens that triggers a response from me, it is usually to a big extent. I am like you in that fact that books affect me deeply. I find myself holding my breath at pivotal parts in books also. I remember when I read "Mystic River" the first time, I cried and cried at the ending of the book.

I think that it is because we are able to connect with characters. We se a little of each character in ourselves. For example, when Merry is stricken with the Black Breath, I was reading the pages with tears streaming down my face. I actually felt the depression as he was feeling it. This is just one example. I find that it happens with many emotions, and many different books. So, you are definitly not alone.

As for you not feeling anything, this can be a result of so many factors. Life is a hard journey to follow. There are many ups and downs, and we ride the waves accordingly. Sometimes we overreact to everything..other times, we do not react at all. It seems that you haven't had a very easy life, so you have more than likely been experiencing an emotional roller-coaster. Perhaps how you feel now will lessen over time, and your emotions will become more stabilized. There is nothing wrong with you sweetie, so do not worry about that. Each person releases emotions in different ways. Even though, you do not release them publically, you do release them when you read your books. A release is still a release, in whatever form. You may not have cried at your grandfather's death OPENLY...however, the next time you read a book afterwards, and one of the characters that you loved died, believe me when I tell you that you did release your sorrow over your grandfather. I think that your mind just finds it easier to relese its emotions where it feels that it is not being judged.

See, I told you that we are a lot alike.

[Laurasia]

Hi Aelish.

Great thread! And may i say that I'm deeply flattered that you trust my site enough to share something so personal with all of us & not fear being ridiculed. This is exactly what I created my site for, & no you don't need to fear ridicule. For if someone does ridicule you, they will have me to answer to.

Anyway, I can truly understand where you are coming from with the whole "feeling no emotions" thing. For many years I was forced to take medications when, in fact, I didn't need them. The effect was exactly what you are describing. The drugs had the effect that if I got truly sad or happy I would become physically ill. Therefore, I couldn't do anything but remain neutral. When I was finally old enough to take myself off of the medications I still had to remain numb due to the conditions in which I was living. Things were too chaotic & to keep running the gamut through everything was far too psychologically damaging. So, my mind stayed numb. I suspect that this is what has happened with you. Think of it as a self-defense mechanism from your psyche. Trust me, after you have been removed from the sorts of stimuli that are causing this "defensive wall" & have a chance to truly start healing yourself (mind, body & soul), your emotions will begin to come back. It may take years, as it did with me, but it will happen.

Which leads me to the reason you feel them through books so strongly. Great books pull you into another world. A world where things in the "real world" have no sway. You can be yourself & react as your true self freely without fear of reaction from whatever is causing your emotional block in the "real world". There is nothing wrong with this. It is an emotional release, it's simply disguised.

I don't really experience this type of reaction from books however. As I've mentioned in other threads, I'm more of a visual person. So I have such reactions from movies instead of books. They are of the same way that you describe books effecting you though. Believe me I'm a real joy to go the theater with.

Sincerely,
Laurasia

[twilight]

brandybuck said:

Even though, you do not release them publically, you do release them when you read your books. A release is still a release, in whatever form. You may not have cried at your grandfather's death OPENLY...however, the next time you read a book afterwards, and one of the characters that you loved died, believe me when I tell you that you did release your sorrow over your grandfather. I think that your mind just finds it easier to relese its emotions where it feels that it is not being judged.

Wow, I never thought about this before. Maybe that's why I never think of myself as "bottling up" emotions, it's not like I have all these feelings inside that I don't let out. They just come out through books. It is a logical and interesting explaination.

brandybuck said:

See, I told you that we are a lot alike.

Yay! it's always nice to know you're not the only one!

~Aelish~