~Theodora~
Junior Member
May the force be with us...
Posts: 81
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Post by ~Theodora~ on Nov 8, 2005 8:09:33 GMT -5
This is actually my first attempt to write a poem although I want this to be a song. So, it would be really nice if u corrected me or something, so that I'll know if its any good.
~The Silence of the Tear Drops
He stands just there She's not looking why the he** does she ignore him? Should he stay, or fly away?
He isn't like he used to be. The tears are all from pain. The sadness is now gone, replaced by wain.
So why does he have to remember? Pointless things that came to be. The dreams when he was awake the shape of her soul.
Did she have to go this way? Destroy what once was saint? The promises that got away, the silence of the tear drops...
He doesn't feel, it doesn't hurt. He isn't sad nor happy. The emotions got away, the feeling of nothingness came alive.
His soul is empty, served as pain. The gates are closed so who is there?
He gave away, took nothing in return and still his faith is there. But does he know, its just a thought? No more of that, so here it goes, it's closed.
(I edited it a bit)
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Post by Brandybuck on Nov 8, 2005 17:40:11 GMT -5
That was really good for a first attempt sweetie! You are surely better than I was with a first try. I like it..it shows a relationship that was once so full of promise crumbling. I like how you showed the lack of communication, and the inner struggles of both people. Nicely written.
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Post by Laurasia on Nov 8, 2005 19:33:58 GMT -5
Hi Theodora. I have to agree with Brandybuck, hon. That was very good for a first attempt. ;D I wouldn't even know where to start with such things. Sincerely, Laurasia
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~Theodora~
Junior Member
May the force be with us...
Posts: 81
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Post by ~Theodora~ on Nov 9, 2005 9:29:42 GMT -5
Thanx u guys! U dont know how much this means to me ;D
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Post by Shadow on Nov 10, 2005 14:40:23 GMT -5
I'll third that saying... great job on your first attempt.
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Post by miezekatze on Nov 11, 2005 19:50:15 GMT -5
I like it! No, love it! you should keep writing...i'd love to see more of your work on here! :-)
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