Post by sui0juris on Sept 16, 2007 2:53:31 GMT -5
I've no idea where I'm suppose to be. I walk on the darker, unforgiving side and no one really threatens me. I can go anywhere and no one stops me, approaches me, or attacks me that much. But to pay for it I lost a number of friends.
I've tried the more peaceful forgiving path but get threatened more, attacked more, and last night about 4 or 5 gunshots were fired right at the front of my house. They found 2 shells on the sidewalk. I was sitting on the couch right beside the front door. The main door was opened, the screen door closed. The officer told me the if the barrel was just a few inches higher I could have been shot in the side.
Then earlier tonight(the night after the shooting) I was banned from a store close by because one of the two who jumped me was at the register in front of me and he turned around saying that every night I go out they are going to attack me and whoever I was with. When his brother came into the store to see if his brother was ok I kicked him in the face while he knelt there.
I'm just trying to figure this out. On the night they jumped me I let them walk away. But on one simple comment I snapped and lost everything. Is this some world where to be a kind person you have to be punished and live in fear? Do you have to let people walk all over you, or let yourself open to situations that can change, ruin, or end your life. I know these two won't bother me now. But now I feel like I've done something that sure as he** wasn't peaceful or kind. Yet if I didn't I'd have to either stay in at night, or be nervous every time anyone walked up to me at night.
I just wish there was some way to move out of this area. I feel threatened and disrespected if I follow a kinder, peaceful path. But I feel guilty if I follow a darker, unforgiving path. Like I said, I don't know any more.
I've tried the more peaceful forgiving path but get threatened more, attacked more, and last night about 4 or 5 gunshots were fired right at the front of my house. They found 2 shells on the sidewalk. I was sitting on the couch right beside the front door. The main door was opened, the screen door closed. The officer told me the if the barrel was just a few inches higher I could have been shot in the side.
Then earlier tonight(the night after the shooting) I was banned from a store close by because one of the two who jumped me was at the register in front of me and he turned around saying that every night I go out they are going to attack me and whoever I was with. When his brother came into the store to see if his brother was ok I kicked him in the face while he knelt there.
I'm just trying to figure this out. On the night they jumped me I let them walk away. But on one simple comment I snapped and lost everything. Is this some world where to be a kind person you have to be punished and live in fear? Do you have to let people walk all over you, or let yourself open to situations that can change, ruin, or end your life. I know these two won't bother me now. But now I feel like I've done something that sure as he** wasn't peaceful or kind. Yet if I didn't I'd have to either stay in at night, or be nervous every time anyone walked up to me at night.
I just wish there was some way to move out of this area. I feel threatened and disrespected if I follow a kinder, peaceful path. But I feel guilty if I follow a darker, unforgiving path. Like I said, I don't know any more.
